Tag Archives: relationships

Your self-worth

One of the many blessings of relationships are how they are two-way. I have learned so much over the years from those who have1000 Tips 18 two-way relationships shared their lives with me. I am forever grateful for each and every one of them.

The past month saw me traveling many miles to many places. Each place and each person was an extraordinary gift who had an extraordinary story. All of their stories are far from finished. What page or chapter is next in their life depends on them. All any of us can do is give them the pen and tell them to keep writing.

Just about all the conversations will fall in one to three categories:
   The past – Where they have been
   The present – Where they are now
   The future – Where they want to go

Something I pick up each time is how their “present” is often associated with their self-worth that stems from events in their past. This affects their future because how they see themselves is directly proportional to their present attitude, choices, and emotional state. One’s self-worth can never be either underestimated or overestimated.

Think about this: Your self-worth – do you see your self as worth it or worthless? Here are a few things I’ve picked up from my conversations I would like to pass along:

1) YOUR PERCEIVED REALITY IS YOUR REALITY. This is something I often mention in my talks on campus or one-on-one. The way we perceive things becomes our reality because that’s how we know it to be. This does not mean it’s the truth or everyone else’s reality. It’s just how our brain computes what we want to be, think should be, or assume to be based on what facts we think we have. Our reality can be assumptive. Our self-worth can’t be tied entirely to how we perceive ourselves and our surroundings because our brain, heart, and emotions can play tricks on us and get the better of us. Be open to the truth about who you are and who you want to be. Own it.

2) YOUR ATTITUDE IS CONTROLLABLE. Your attitude becomes part of your reality mentioned above – so how you talk about yourself and see yourself in the mirror determines how you FEEL about yourself. Your self-worth – good or bad – can be tied to the positivity or negativity surrounding you. Don’t listen to the people who tear you down. Surround yourself with uplifting people who will build you up. If you don’t have a high opinion of yourself, find those who do. You need to be your own loudest cheerleader and encourager. Attitude takes effort, so you might as well make it a favorable experience for yourself and others rather than a miserable one.

3) IT’S OK TO LOVE YOURSELF. Many of the young people I get to hang out with love hug yourselfthings about themselves, but I question if they love themselves. Habits are developed over time and through repetitiveness. Get in the habit of finding the things about you that are lovable and use this as a foundation. Say positive things in the mirror and feed your mind with positive reading. If you are being negatively reinforced, do your best to break-free to be a positive force. You are NOT dependent on anyone or anyone’s opinion. You have to love yourself to love others – start being your own best friend. If family or relationships have ruined this for you, maybe some alone time is needed. Remember – you are always stronger than you think you are. Stay true to who you are and who you want to be.

4) THE FUTURE DEPENDS ON THE PRESENT, NOT THE PAST. The choices we make now can eradicate or build on the ones we have made in the past. We all have the power to make decisions that can change the course of our life trajectory. The past does not play into this. It is the future that will be affected. Write your new chapter, don’t rewrite past chapters.

5) WE ARE ALL BROKEN, BUT NOT BEYOND REPAIR. It doesn’t matter if you are hiding, running, or limping through life. It’s temporary and can end now by facing your fears, addressing the situation, or making changes. The first step is admitting it so you can address it. Get help – including professional help from a trained counselor or therapist (there’s no shame in this) – if you think you need it or are encouraged by people you trust to get it. You are not a lost cause, you are a “because.” – Because you were made in the image of God, created with a purpose and are a person of value. Your life is precious in so many ways. Your demons holding you hostage will be forced to release you because you are stronger than they are. You just need to realize it and rise to the occasion.

To answer the question… regarding your self-worth – YOU ARE ALWAYS WORTH IT! YOU ARE NEVER WORTHLESS.

To anyone who needs to read this on this day: Your value has never changed. Your self-esteem has. Don’t confuse your self-worth with your true worth. You are loved. Always have been – since before you were even born.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. – Luke 12:6-7

Trey Campbell, treycampbell1010@gmail.com
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Spirit-filled Leadership Series Vol. 1: Relationships or fences?

by Trey Campbell, treycampbell1010@gmail.com

Walls of Jerusalem
Walls of Jerusalem

In Biblical times, walls were made to fortify and protect. They kept outsiders out and insiders in.  Joshua had the walls tumbin’ down at Jericho, while Nehemiah led the charge to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.  Metaphorically speaking, these days we focus a whole lot on building fences. The decision to build a wall or fence is not as much for safety anymore, but rather for keeping distance.

There comes a point in life when we have decisions to make.  Decisions that affect our future… and in fact, affect the rest of our life.  That is, once we pick a side.

In both our spiritual journey and life, we should strive to be “builders.”  Jesus was a builder.  Before he went public as the Messiah, his trade was that of a carpenter. This makes sense because he went from building things to building people.  In our case, just as with Jesus, if we are building, we are growing. The question is: are we going to be builders of relationships or fences? Jesus taught us to build relationships to share God’s love and know eternal life.  He didn’t build fences to keep people from these things.

For us, we have to pick a side so we’re not “riding” the fence.  Ask yourself this: which one do you invest your time building?  At various times, I’ve asked myself this very question.    While there may be a time where a fence is required, the greater, long-term investment is to build relationships.  Here’s a breakdown:

Relationships are built:                                                  Fences are built:
1) To bring people closer                                                1) To keep people in
2) To develop a support network                               2) To keep people out
3) As an investment                                                            3) As a tool of separation

Let’s take an even closer look:

RELATIONSHIPS                                                                   FENCES
> Open                                                                                         > Closed
> Emotional                                                                              > Static
> Deep, meaningful                                                              > Superficial, topical
> Friendships                                                                           > Isolation, loneliness
> Promote growth                                                                 > Stunt growth

When are fences good?  When you need to keep cattle in one place.  We build fences to shut others out or keep them in place.  Fences are the antithesis of relationships.  The old saying “Good fences make good neighbors” is a lie.  It was a most likely a fence-builder who said this.  Relationships are what make good neighbors.

fence build
Literally building a fence in order to build relationships!

I recently spent time with a LifeGroup from my church literally building a fence (a service project to help someone in need).  It was the hottest day of the summer to that point: 99 degrees.  As we progressed down the yard’s edge, I found myself on the inside, while the other four guys were on the outside.  I began to think of the irony of how, while building relationships with these guys, I was on “the other side of the fence.”  It was worth an internal chuckle.  In reality, our time together was a great opportunity for growth.  Through investing in others and building relationships, there was an opening to share Christ’s love.

Leaders choose the path to build relationships.  If we spend time building fences, we’ll undoubtedly find we’ve fenced ourselves off from others.  Fences are not of the Spirit. They are obstacles that keep us from fully experiencing God’s intended plan for our life.

It’s time to build.  It’s time to lead.  What side of the fence will you fall?  Trick question! Hopefully neither – no fences!  Are you digging through life to set fence posts or are you planting seeds through relationships?